Tag: text

gaaraofsburbia:

applecranberry:

ruraljackdaw:

thetowndrugdealer:

*sucks guys dick*
*dies of nut allergy*

did you know that proteins in brazil nuts can be transmitted sexually so if someone had an allergy and the guy had eaten brazil nuts then they could literally suck dick and die of a nut allergy

now I do

#the answer to a question i never asked

yahargul:

dallas fuel: falling asleep in front of their monitors while seoul walks onto the point in under a min

casters: this…this is peak esports. look at the mind games going on right now. it reminds me of this time when jake

ladydrace:

kedreeva:

spartathesheltie:

revolutionary idea: pet ownership is not a human right.

cats scratch. dogs bark. certain rare pets are not adapted to living in a regular domestic setting. if your home is not suited for an animal to express their most basic natural behaviours or your situation makes absolutely predictable traits into dealbreakers, then you should not have that kind of pet. “but i want one” is not an acceptable excuse for owning an animal you can’t provide for.

This includes feeding them the diet they require, not the diet you think they should have because of your own moral beliefs.

Also: can’t afford the vet, don’t get the pet.

spooky-spaghetties:

sadboybrigade:

tripropellant:

boring & disrespectful: “oh, i can’t survive without my morning coffee”, “energy drink makes it so that i can get through my boring work”, and so on

living properly: treating caffeinated beverages like very mysterious & powerful magical potions that can give us unforeseen abilities

drink 15 cups of coffee in a day and you can clip through walls

me, approaching my local barista with trepidation and awe: potion seller. I am going into battle and I require your strongest potion.

potion seller: trenta macchiato plus five shots as usual, then?

me, extending my credit card with a trembling hand: fuck me up

queenofslash:

ihavealotoffeelings:

tikkunolamorgtfo:

angryjerkandstrawboy:

ethereumwinds:

fun fact about the next avengers film being filmed in edinburgh: they’ve blocked off certain areas which is disrupting one specific postal van’s delivery route which is in turn leading to an awkward stand-off at the police station because Marvel Studios might be a billion dollar company but this man really wants to do his job and apparently interfering with the course of the Royal Mail technically counts as treason so they’re at a stalemate

this is the best thing i’ve heard all day

Scotland, everybody.

Who would win in a fight: a billion dollar superhero film franchise at the top of its game or one (1) Scottish mailman.

listen you do not fuck with royal mail they are our secret police