panxceae:

I tolerate any treatment. Like I solo queue sometimes, and I’ll put up with anything. I’ll play  a game from some garbage publisher – you know, I don’t wanna name an actual publisher so let’s just make one up; let’s call it ‘Activision Blizzard’ So I’ll buy a game from ‘Activision Blizzard’ and I’ll show up at the story department and I’ll go, ‘Can we have representative heroes please?’ And they go, ‘No. The new hero is delayed nine months.’ And I go, ‘Okaaay!’ And then I go to the bathroom. And then I come out of the bathroom and I go, ‘Any updates?’ and they go ‘Yeah, we made the new hero a fucking hamster. Because we hate you. Now take this professional talent pipeline that doesn’t work, go fetch!’ And I go ‘Okaaay!’ and I go over to Contenders and go, ‘Can T2 players have livable salaries?’ and they go ‘NO!’ And I go ‘Okaaay!’ And they go, ‘You’re a Symmetra onetrick, aren’t you?’ And I go ‘Nooo,’ and they go ‘SAY IT!’ and I go ‘I’m a Symmetra onetrick!.’ And then I go over to the Blizzard Help Desk, which is an oxymoron, and I go, ‘Can I please play a video game?’ and they go ‘No! In fact, we’re gonna fill the game with boosters! And you’re gonna be stuck in queue for thirty years!’ And I go ‘Why are you doing this to me?!’ And they go, ‘Because we’re Activision Bliiiizzard, and life is a fucking nightmare!’