depressed kids in the media: I don’t wanna go to therapy! I don’t need help! I’m not some specimen for you to dissect!
me, rollin up to my therapist’s office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week
families of depressed kids in media: okay sweetie we’ve researched depression for ten hours straight and signed you up for therapy and re-arranged your school schedule to be less stressful
actual parents of depressed kids: look i get you’re sad but someones gotta do the goddamn dishes stop being lazy get up. why didn’t you go to school today, what’s wrong with you, you’re such a burden on this family.
Therapists in the media: *understanding head tilt*
My real live therapist whom I adore: Natalie, that is the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard.
Therapists in Media: Lets do some art therapy and be really quiet while we talk about your feelings :)))))) also I’m prescribing you 500 different medicines
My therapist Brian who I love to death: Jack, I think your first problem is you stay up too late looking at memes, so let’s try taking a nap
My real life therapist: Okay, before we start, I found this hilarious video I know you’d love.
Therapist in media: serious face the whole time
My therapist: *laughs awkwardly*
therapists in media: refined, cultured, poised, “I’m afraid I haven’t [heard of the nerdy thing their patient just referenced]”
my old therapist derek, from across the reception area, seeing me for the first time after the summer of 2015: HEY DID YOU SEE AGE OF ULTRON?? IT SUCKED, RIGHT???
my current therapist ian, in our very first appointment: do you like star wars? anxiety is like the force, it can consume you, or you can learn to keep it in balance… you’re my padawan now
Actual things my therapist has told me:
“You’re bassicly a glorified sad lizard.” (It makes sense with context)
“Damn girl you need to get your shit together.”
“Go home and cry. Stop drinking in bathtubs. Eat something that isn’t bleach or memes.”
I’ll add more tomorrow after I see her again.
This is making me feel really good about seeing my therapist. Good job, Tumblr!
Things my trauma therapist has said:
*staring down the rabbit after the little rabbit hops into my lap, directly past my therapist, and letting me pet her instead* “Well, I see where your loyalties are and I will no longer be bringing you a fresh tomato every morning.”
“Freud will not stop screaming and running in circles because he got into the catnip about an hour ago so we will have to move our session upstairs if you want peace and quiet.” [Pausing] “…Freud the cat, I promise we did not resurrect Sigmund Freud just to overdose him on catnip”.
“The reason you’re so tired is because of that endless screaming into the void you keep referring to”.
“I’m going to level with you. In order to maintain your sanity, you must drop him like a sack of potatoes, and then boil the sack”.
“If she [child alter, who’d been having a fit that was keeping me from sleeping for three days straight because I wouldn’t let her cover the walls in pink glitter] won’t stop screaming, put her in front of the TV, turn on Sesame Street, take a nap and then deal with the situation”.
“The rat is retired, but if having her on your shoulder helps you process, put a paper towel underneath her because she will shit on you without any shame”.
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PkCaramel 